Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Randomize
