i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
