i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
