I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
