I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
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