I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
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