Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
