i think my mom watched the whole time
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
