So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
