when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
