I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
