we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
