I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
