So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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