Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Will exercising make me less horny?
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