i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
