i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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