He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
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