It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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