Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
she looked like the before picture.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
