We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
i think my mom watched the whole time
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
