dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
