he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Randomize
