Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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