well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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