Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize