I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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