got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Verdict: uncircumcised.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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