no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
