I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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