We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
