I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
