You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
