HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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