She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I need to calm my uterus...
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize