i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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