The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
