Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
The beer is more important than you right now.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Randomize
