we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
