Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Randomize
