next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
