Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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