I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize