she woke up with a sticky ear
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
