Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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