this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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