i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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