I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
im holly from the hills drunk
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
