I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
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