Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Randomize
