the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Randomize
