none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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