TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
