is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
