Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
