That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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