that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I wish I only lived at night.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Randomize
