If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
