Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
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