He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Randomize
