I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize