Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
