I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Randomize
