Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
