If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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