I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
