I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
